This is kinda late but I moved my blog a month ago.
Anyway here's my new blog site.
Ranz Personal Blog
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
This Father's Day
Soon it’s father’s day again…
And again I keep thinking of the person who I want to forget but every time I hear the word “father”, it keeps coming back to me.
I want to forget him because he has forgotten me and he never tried to know me. He only talks when he wants me to do something. Right now, he never knew what I am, my abilities, skills, talent, and my personality. And I guess, he doesn’t want to know.
I never heard any appreciations from him, not even a single one. He never thank me for what I am. For 20 years he never had and he was never proud of me. My achievements are nothing to him because all he can see are my failures and the bad things that I have done. I never saw him smiled because of me. He never done that.
My mother keeps telling me, “He is still your father, and many are even worst than him”. and yes I agree that he is one of the worst because he made my mother suffer instead of loving her. He may not have hurt her physically but the way he hurt my mother emotionally is the worst. I caught him having relation with another women but I never told anyone about it. Do I still need a father like that?
I keep saying I don’t but I never forget him. And it will be father’s day soon. It’s not easy for me because we live in the same house. Everyday, I see him walking around and completely ignores my presence. And so do I, I tried to pretend. Right now, the wall that put us apart is the silence that even words can’t get through.
I tried to love him and I tried to hate him. All of it failed. How can I love the person that I hate most? How can I hate the person who made me in this world? How can I take my pride if that will make him far more worst? He has the pride of a child that hates to lose, never forgive and forget, count my mistakes and always want that his way should be followed.
I know it’s both of our pride that keeps at apart. But I want him to become a father…
And again I keep thinking of the person who I want to forget but every time I hear the word “father”, it keeps coming back to me.
I want to forget him because he has forgotten me and he never tried to know me. He only talks when he wants me to do something. Right now, he never knew what I am, my abilities, skills, talent, and my personality. And I guess, he doesn’t want to know.
I never heard any appreciations from him, not even a single one. He never thank me for what I am. For 20 years he never had and he was never proud of me. My achievements are nothing to him because all he can see are my failures and the bad things that I have done. I never saw him smiled because of me. He never done that.
My mother keeps telling me, “He is still your father, and many are even worst than him”. and yes I agree that he is one of the worst because he made my mother suffer instead of loving her. He may not have hurt her physically but the way he hurt my mother emotionally is the worst. I caught him having relation with another women but I never told anyone about it. Do I still need a father like that?
I keep saying I don’t but I never forget him. And it will be father’s day soon. It’s not easy for me because we live in the same house. Everyday, I see him walking around and completely ignores my presence. And so do I, I tried to pretend. Right now, the wall that put us apart is the silence that even words can’t get through.
I tried to love him and I tried to hate him. All of it failed. How can I love the person that I hate most? How can I hate the person who made me in this world? How can I take my pride if that will make him far more worst? He has the pride of a child that hates to lose, never forgive and forget, count my mistakes and always want that his way should be followed.
I know it’s both of our pride that keeps at apart. But I want him to become a father…
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